There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
