so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
