We won't sleep together?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
