My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
