Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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