You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
