i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
