Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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