Where is the hickey?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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