Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
