Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
