does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
