don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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