It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
