Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
