i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize
