I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
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I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
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i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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