If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she looked like the before picture.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
True strength comes from lack of pants
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
