is your mom at the bar?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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