He uses pillows to masturbate.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
