my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
