Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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