I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
