so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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