theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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