"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
