dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
