I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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