I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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