What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
