Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
