I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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