my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
