Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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