i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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