We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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