You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize