In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
