So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
