Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
