you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
