So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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