he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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