I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
