His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
