Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Come on in and take your pants off
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