Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm like, not good at living.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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