he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
