i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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