Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
