Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
