foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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