god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
