I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
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I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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