There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's blow job season.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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