About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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