Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
