I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
