My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
