that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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