Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
