marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
