I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think I died a long time ago.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
