I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
