I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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