Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
