cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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