I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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