There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
