Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
