Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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