Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
