If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
love makes seman taste better
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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