Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
