We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
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It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
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She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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